Evolution

This is going to be short and sweet for now, until I can expand on this...I don't have much time.
I was thinking about something a few days ago. And somehow evolution went through my brain. Partially because my History 1302 class is dealing with the 1920's era when there was a case between the Fundamentalists (Christians) and Darwinism because a teacher taught the theory of evolution in the classroom, when it was never talked about before. But that's beside the point...I was thinking...Why would anyone want to create the idea of evolution when they probably were basically given the truth in my opinion. I don't know anything about Charles Darwin's past so this is just what I was thinking. My thoughts are that it's because he constantly had to deal with what a lot of what other people deal with today and in the past and also what people will deal with in the future. We constantly have a problem with authority. We always try to find a problem with the people in authority to prove them inadequit to be in their position. And once we do...we want to stick it in their face. Not saying that God is in his position by fault...that's far from the truth. But the fact of the matter is, Evolution in my opinion, was created so that people wouldn't have to deal with God's authority. So they came up with a "theory" that would resolve that issue. But in the end it wouldn't resolve the issue, because in the end they would all answer to God anyway.

My Brain Pattern

This was creepy...You should take this and find out what you are....lol...

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Future

Well, it's official. I've played in a band. All my life I've dreamt of being the one up there on stage. But i never thought that it would be so humbling. The first week I performed, I hated it to be quite honest. The only reason that I hated it was because I felt like I was in a constant battle with Satan. He kept on telling me, you're not meant for the stage. You're not talented like all of these other people. You're meant to teach piano to students who will be come someone. At first I thought it was God telling that this isn't where I was supposed to be. But now that I look back at it, there's no way it could've been God telling me. He put me up there in the first place. But I realize something now. I have to become someone in order to teach someone how to become someone...right? I don't know if he wants me to teach piano to "future somebody’s" or to become someone and not teach anyone. And I hate to say that now, because it's my senior year in H.S. That leaves me to not knowing what I want to major in or where I want to go. The first week playing, with all that was going through my mind, there was no way I could've worshipped up on that stage. And it being my first time up there with a band, I had built up nervousness on top of that. But I have played for 2 weeks now. and the second week, after realizing this, I wouldn't want to be any place else. Than where God wants me to be. So anyone reading this, pray that this satisfaction continues. I don't like being in the midst of a battle of uncertainty. So also pray that God lets me know where to go to major in what He wants me to major in

College

Well, my dad and I had a little conversation this week. We were in the car and somehow we began talking about college. And he continued talking like always, never stopping for my input, just giving out his two cents like always. I finally couldn't take it anymore and the only way I could possibly fix things is to break his heart. I hate to say it, but I burst out crying on purpose. There was this argument in my head saying DON'T CRY, CRY, DON'T CRY, CRY. And I hate to inconveniently cry...If that's possible. But you can only hold in your emotions for so long which is something I tend to do. I stand strong in large crowds but I only cry in the presence of my God. I've realized that if I cry in front of people, someone ends up getting hurt. I either say something wrong, or I don't express my emotions quite right to other peoples understanding, or I get hurt because I'm not as stable as I thought I was. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I don't know of any other way to explain it. I can't stand for anyone to get their feelings hurt, so I just keep to myself. Anyway, I burst out crying. And my dad didn't understand why I was crying. And I didn't quite understand why I was crying either. I just got tired of him talking to me about college, especially seeing as I don't know where I want to go or major in. But he asked me why I started crying. And all that could come to my mind was "I never feel like your proud of me." Which for anyone reading, is not the smartest thing to say to a parent just for future reference. Just to make a long story short. It all boiled down to him figuring out that my parent's divorce is the main reason I always feel like he's not proud of me. The reason being is b/c he lives so far out, I feel it's an inconvenience for him to come see me for events of importance. I need my father's presence. I miss him so much, that it hurts. I've realized that him leaving has brought me back to square one; I'm back to where I've started. When I was younger, he was never at home. And that somehow made me shy; I didn't want to communicate with anyone. I guess he was my comfort, my shield, when he was around, I knew that everything would be okay soon, if not immediately. When my parents divorced, that happened all over again, but I was so confused at that time...Typical middle school craziness (I passionately dislike middle school!) so I covered my insecurity w/ forcing myself to appear secure. And I've now realized that's what was going on. And soon after my heart was broken, I went through a major shyness. So people saw an almost immediate change in my behavior. I didn't go this in depth with my dad. But I'm actually understanding this as I type. LOL

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

These are kind of out of order, so bare with me here.... We went to Joe's Crab Shack on Wed. (Jan. 3) and I didn't eat anything because it was expensive and I don't like seafood. The first and fourth picture are from the side of the building. The second, fifth and sixth pictures are of Beth Moore. We got to go see her on Wed. as well. She was at one of the Breakout sessions. Breakout sessions were available to everyone to go see who they wanted to. All of Nashville was involved with this and so there were many buildings and speakers to visit. The first day a couple of us went to see ??Greg Matte?? but i never took any pictures. third picture is another picture of the Hard Rock Cafe sign, and I don't know how to delete it, so if anyone can tell me how to delete just one picture let me know :D The seventh picture is a pic of Louis Giglio. He's a wonderful speaker. He spoke twice I believe. I remember one time he spoke about how God made the universe which is many lightyears big. But yet he still choses us. The last picture are of John Piper. He spoke twice about suffering.

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

The first photo was during one of the main sessions. It would start out with a praise and worship through song. and then a speaker would come out and talk to us. and then we would have another group of songs to sing. They wouldn't tell you who was playing the day of the session. Everyday was a surprise. This picture was taken on January 3 (Wed.). The David Crowder Band was playing. They were incredible. I loved that they were so exciting; it was great. The second picture is the picture of the pool at our hotel. I thought it was awesom that the pool was shaped like a guitar. That was the best part of the hotel. :D The next picture is a pic of Chris Tomlin I believe. He was great too. All of the performers were wonderful. The next picture i have no idea why I took it. I think it was a pic to show you how many people were actually there because the band is kinda off to the side! The last photo is a picture of Chris Tomlin again. He sang alot, and that's wonderful in my opinion :D

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

Alright, I don't know what the first picture is, but it has to be something. I took a picture of it...If i ever find out, i'll edit this post and you can keep on looking at this entry if it bugs you. :D The next picture is just some randome picture of downtown, but i don't know where, and why I took it....lol...The next two pictures are of another sign to the Hard Rock Cafe. I thought that this sign was awesome, so I took a picture of it :D. The last picture is the Gaylord Arena. I never got a full picture of the building, but it was enormous. It packed over 18,000 people in there every session!

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

OK, This first picture is the top of the Galord Arena and later on I will have a picture of the entrance. This next picture is a picture of two of my good friends Paula (the same on in my first entry) and Kellie. I have known Kellie for a while. She is a wonderful person and has a love for people and God. Shes so awesome. The next picture is a far away picture of a wall mural. It was on the side of the Hard Rock Cafe. There were many murals throughout the town, unfortunately, i never took any pictures of them :( oh well. The next picture is a picture of Kellie again. and the picture after that is the sign for Hard Rock Cafe. Kellie's picture and Kellie's, Paula's, and my picture are in Hard Rock Cafe. We actually sat in the Bar, but no worries, we never ordered anything alcoholic. They had wonderful food, they just didn't give us alot. I wish they did though, it was expensive enough. lol...

Nashville-Passion

This past week I was in Nashvill, Tennessee. It was SO awesome! I could see myself living there! I think it'll be easier if I just explained the trip by explaining the pictures. It'll be easier for me..lol...I'll go from left to right. The first picture is a picture of the bridge we had to walk across in order to get to the conference I went to. The reason I was in Nashville was because the college group at my church was going there. It was a conference called Passion. It is held annually at Nashville, although next year it is going to be in Atlanta, Georgia. Now, back to the bridge....The main place we were at most of the time was approxomately 2 miles away from the hotel we were staying at. The first 2 days we walked back and forth from the hotel and the Gaylord Arena (that's where it all happened :D) The next picture is just a picture of downtown Nashville from about .5 miles away. The next picture is a picture of a wonderful friend of mine. Her name is Paula. I only get to see her once a year *tear* because she lives in Brazil. But it's okay. I'm SO glad for the Internet :D Its one of the best inventions of the world :D The other 2 pictures are pictures of downtown Nashville as well. I will continue in my next few blog entries...lol..i feel like I'm making a documentary, but with typing... TO BE CONTINUED ;)

To a friend!

Dear Friend (You know who you are if you read this!)
I'm here writing you because I think I feel your pain! I was unfair how your father was laid off like that. I just wanted to truly let you know that I know how you might feel towards certain people because I have been there. In fact, I'm in the midst of that storm as well. My mother was "let go" last school year and is yet to find a teaching job locally. We don't know exactly why she wasn't told to come back the following year, but it really doesn't matter at this point. I felt complete disgust and anger at how the school board handled everything and at how everyone seemed to let everything happen knowing my mother had to support 2 children (and a dog!). I had no intention of coming back into that building because I didn't know what I would've said to that man behind the principal's desk. (I know, it's a big surprise that I couldn't have spoken when not necessary; it's amazing what anger can do to you! ), but then I realized something. Despite what happened, my mother still occasionally works there (substitute teaching). If she can come back peacefully, why am I all worked up about it? My mom was at peace throughout the whole thing and remains there just like when Jesus was resting in the boat throughout the storm. I'm not telling you this to preach to you because peace, I believe, is a choice you have to make in order to have. God gives people the gift of peace, but in order to receive a gift, you must accept it first. I'm telling you this because I'm someone who has been there. (twice actually, but that's another story for another time), and if you need someone to listen to you vent, I'm the person who's there, because I'm a great listener (you know how much I talk and I won't judge you for anything you say. Take care. I'll be praying for your family.

God Bless,
Lindsay

Disappointment

I got a letter in the mail today. I didn't get the scholarship I've worked towards for the past 2 years for. Which is a major disappointment because all that work, all those 2-3 hours a day working on two flippin' pieces went right down the tube. Not only did the letter tell me that I didn't get the schalorship, they also let me know that I won't even be considered for a music major. I guess I'm as good as I thought...not good at all. What was I thinking. I would pick up on my excellence after not taking lessons for 5 years? Obviously I'm not as quick of a learner as I used to be. I thought this is what God was calling me to do. Now I don't know what to do. Not only that, I found out that the guy I've liked for forever has a 'friend' that is coming to Lufkin with him for Christmas. Guess that ruins my chances of anything possibly happening. I was wrong. When I really wanted to tell him how I felt, I told myself he didn't need the destraction, but I was wrong. I have a feeling that it's all going downhill from here, which is a major disappointment.

"She doesn't need a boyfriend." The words pierced through my ears straight into my mind. What is that supposed to mean? I don't need a boyfriend; no one needs a boyfriend. Is that how all guys view me? Am I marked with the "independence plague"? So much that no guy wants me because I don't need them? I may not need a boyfriend, but that doesn't change my desire for one. I promised myself I wouldn't get involved with any sort with a guy until I was in college, but right now I wonder. Was that a silly request? Right now my desire for a boyfriend far exceeds my imagination, which brings my down much further than any other guy would, which is kind of useless because the guy I've been dreaming for is far from my reach now.

College Audition

OMG. I don't want to do this ever again! It's so nerve racking. I messed up so many times..... I think. I SO wish i had someone else able to come in there with me so they could tell me how I did afterwards! I'm SO scared they didn't think I was good enough. But that happens alot...Lots of my friends say they think i did fine, but they honestly don't know, so it's really hard to judge. Man, I messed up when they interviewed me as well. I actually told them what I wanted to do in the future COMPLETELY...and you know what? The Head of the Dept. told me to consider a colleges that offers both majors! OMG! Can you believe that...they don't like me @ all! I'm so worried...

Audition

Well, I'm now considered part of my youth group's band. I'm going to play the keyboard. I kinda want to sing, but there's more of a demand in keyboard right now. I don't start until January, but it's all good. Now all I have to worry about is college auditions. SCARY! I don't even feel like a senior, much less almost in college. I mean I can't wait to go to college and get out of the house (more or less to be independant!) I hope that I get a scholarship for piano though...my family can't begin to afford college...pray that i do good...i need it!

John Ruskin

"There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it. In our whole life-melody, the music is broken off here and there by “rests,” and we foolishly think we have some to the end of time. God sends a time of forced leisure—sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts—and makes us a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives and we lament that our voices must be silent and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the rest? See him beat time with unvarying count and catch up the next note true and steady as if no breaking place had come between. Not without design does God write the music of our lives. But be it ours to learn the time and not be dismayed at the “rests.” They are not to be slurred over, not be omitted. Not to destroy melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat time for us with the eye on Him we shall strike on Him. We shall strike the next note full and clear."

I think that honestly explains itself.

Fairy Tales

So many girls hope, wish, and dream for a fairy tale ending. Ever since I was little, i've been told that there is no such thing. But up until now, I've always wanted one. I don't anymore. I want a fairy tale beginning. Not the magic, not the talking animals, talking inanimate objects, or singing little people. I just want the happiness, satisfaction, the completeness. It seems as if when they get their fairy tale ending, all their past troubles, horrible thoughts, and sorrows withered away in the moonlight. It was a brand new day and all the things in the past were just that; things in the past. I've never felt that. I've always lived life day by day adding on to the things in the past. Carrying my past troubles, thoughts and feelings. When one more would just get heavier and heavier until I would break down. I want a fairy tale beginning because I've always held on to memories. It would be nice to just one remember something good that happened. Many times we all find that bad outweighs good. Not only does Satan want us to believe that, but most of us look for the bad in others rather than the good. I guess I'm crying out for the ability to see beyond the bad things people see in me

Aaron

It upsets me at how evil this world can me. And how our anger tends to be but out on people that aren't near victims of what happened. My cousin was stabbed about 3" from the hear on Halloween night. He was in ICU until November 1 and sent to another department until November 3, 2005. Even after this, although at home, he is unable to lift anything above 10 lbs. or alowed to go anywhere for 10 days. Evidentlly, he was handing out candy to little innocent children, like most people do, until 3 teenage boys came to the door and snatched the candy out of his hands. My cousin, being the way he is, ran after them to get the candy back. The boys decided it was the best decision to jump him and one decided to stab him. The one who stabbed him I believe is in juvinile, but i could be wrong...I know he got caught though. It just hurts me that people can do that and laugh about it later.

This Weekend

Oh my gosh... this weekend was crazy...Friday and Saturday was cool. We had this thing at church for the ladies there. It was kinda weird though, b/c it was like live television. and it's kinda weird when your used to the live stuff. oh, but sunday...it was crazier...I was going home to spend some time w/ my mom b/c it was her birthday. and i noticed my friend left her stuff in my car. so I was going to turn to return her stuff at church before she left there. and i got into an accident on the say to the church. i was so devistated. My car's front bumper is dented in now. (not like it wasn't already..b/c of my dad) and my left headlight is cracked and it occationally works. I'm sore but no major injuries that i know of. And what was worse my mom's birthday was Sunday (the day I got in the accident). Ever since the accident i've had random emotional breakdowns. it's been horrible. I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't go to school today b/c of it...and plus...i was sore b/c of the accident. well, that was my weekend. not that proud of it. Well, I don't really have much to say...I'll write later...
Lindsay

Selfish People

It amazes me at how selfish people can be. I'm not saying I'm not selfish, but I realize how selfish I am through other people's ways of living. Today, throughout all this disaster from hurricane Rita, people are yet to complain about not having cable, or even television, when there are others out there without any form of transportation, electricity, communication, or food. Even though right now, my mom is without a job, we have some damage to the fence, no air conditioning, no refrigeration or lights, I'm still thankful of what I do have. A comunity of friends, family, and neighbors who love me for who I am and what I'm about. Unfortunately, alot of times we focus on the material things we have when the abstract things are really what is important.

About Death...

I don't know why I'm lead to write this or about this. But, I write what comes to my head, so maybe it's the holy spirit trying to tell me something. All of us are guilty of living life expecting the future. This hurrican (Rita) has really made me think. We spend so much time dreaming of what's to come here on earth, but little time on what would happen if we were to die at that instant. Maybe we all fear death to a certain extent. But for some odd reason, at this point in time. Surpristingly enough, I am at peace. And even though I'm excited to graduate, excited about going to college, excited about getting married (if i do), about starting a family of my own, even excited about started my career. I'm still okay with leaving it all behingd and dying. Earth isn't enough for me; I want God. I'm ready to meet him and talk to him and see my home in heaven. Now, whoever reads this...Don't worry...I don't plan on killing myself or anything.