Tuesday, December 20, 2005

To a friend!

Dear Friend (You know who you are if you read this!)
I'm here writing you because I think I feel your pain! I was unfair how your father was laid off like that. I just wanted to truly let you know that I know how you might feel towards certain people because I have been there. In fact, I'm in the midst of that storm as well. My mother was "let go" last school year and is yet to find a teaching job locally. We don't know exactly why she wasn't told to come back the following year, but it really doesn't matter at this point. I felt complete disgust and anger at how the school board handled everything and at how everyone seemed to let everything happen knowing my mother had to support 2 children (and a dog!). I had no intention of coming back into that building because I didn't know what I would've said to that man behind the principal's desk. (I know, it's a big surprise that I couldn't have spoken when not necessary; it's amazing what anger can do to you! ), but then I realized something. Despite what happened, my mother still occasionally works there (substitute teaching). If she can come back peacefully, why am I all worked up about it? My mom was at peace throughout the whole thing and remains there just like when Jesus was resting in the boat throughout the storm. I'm not telling you this to preach to you because peace, I believe, is a choice you have to make in order to have. God gives people the gift of peace, but in order to receive a gift, you must accept it first. I'm telling you this because I'm someone who has been there. (twice actually, but that's another story for another time), and if you need someone to listen to you vent, I'm the person who's there, because I'm a great listener (you know how much I talk and I won't judge you for anything you say. Take care. I'll be praying for your family.

God Bless,
Lindsay

Monday, December 19, 2005

Disappointment

I got a letter in the mail today. I didn't get the scholarship I've worked towards for the past 2 years for. Which is a major disappointment because all that work, all those 2-3 hours a day working on two flippin' pieces went right down the tube. Not only did the letter tell me that I didn't get the schalorship, they also let me know that I won't even be considered for a music major. I guess I'm as good as I thought...not good at all. What was I thinking. I would pick up on my excellence after not taking lessons for 5 years? Obviously I'm not as quick of a learner as I used to be. I thought this is what God was calling me to do. Now I don't know what to do. Not only that, I found out that the guy I've liked for forever has a 'friend' that is coming to Lufkin with him for Christmas. Guess that ruins my chances of anything possibly happening. I was wrong. When I really wanted to tell him how I felt, I told myself he didn't need the destraction, but I was wrong. I have a feeling that it's all going downhill from here, which is a major disappointment.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

"She doesn't need a boyfriend." The words pierced through my ears straight into my mind. What is that supposed to mean? I don't need a boyfriend; no one needs a boyfriend. Is that how all guys view me? Am I marked with the "independence plague"? So much that no guy wants me because I don't need them? I may not need a boyfriend, but that doesn't change my desire for one. I promised myself I wouldn't get involved with any sort with a guy until I was in college, but right now I wonder. Was that a silly request? Right now my desire for a boyfriend far exceeds my imagination, which brings my down much further than any other guy would, which is kind of useless because the guy I've been dreaming for is far from my reach now.

Friday, December 09, 2005

College Audition

OMG. I don't want to do this ever again! It's so nerve racking. I messed up so many times..... I think. I SO wish i had someone else able to come in there with me so they could tell me how I did afterwards! I'm SO scared they didn't think I was good enough. But that happens alot...Lots of my friends say they think i did fine, but they honestly don't know, so it's really hard to judge. Man, I messed up when they interviewed me as well. I actually told them what I wanted to do in the future COMPLETELY...and you know what? The Head of the Dept. told me to consider a colleges that offers both majors! OMG! Can you believe that...they don't like me @ all! I'm so worried...