To a friend!

Dear Friend (You know who you are if you read this!)
I'm here writing you because I think I feel your pain! I was unfair how your father was laid off like that. I just wanted to truly let you know that I know how you might feel towards certain people because I have been there. In fact, I'm in the midst of that storm as well. My mother was "let go" last school year and is yet to find a teaching job locally. We don't know exactly why she wasn't told to come back the following year, but it really doesn't matter at this point. I felt complete disgust and anger at how the school board handled everything and at how everyone seemed to let everything happen knowing my mother had to support 2 children (and a dog!). I had no intention of coming back into that building because I didn't know what I would've said to that man behind the principal's desk. (I know, it's a big surprise that I couldn't have spoken when not necessary; it's amazing what anger can do to you! ), but then I realized something. Despite what happened, my mother still occasionally works there (substitute teaching). If she can come back peacefully, why am I all worked up about it? My mom was at peace throughout the whole thing and remains there just like when Jesus was resting in the boat throughout the storm. I'm not telling you this to preach to you because peace, I believe, is a choice you have to make in order to have. God gives people the gift of peace, but in order to receive a gift, you must accept it first. I'm telling you this because I'm someone who has been there. (twice actually, but that's another story for another time), and if you need someone to listen to you vent, I'm the person who's there, because I'm a great listener (you know how much I talk and I won't judge you for anything you say. Take care. I'll be praying for your family.

God Bless,
Lindsay

Disappointment

I got a letter in the mail today. I didn't get the scholarship I've worked towards for the past 2 years for. Which is a major disappointment because all that work, all those 2-3 hours a day working on two flippin' pieces went right down the tube. Not only did the letter tell me that I didn't get the schalorship, they also let me know that I won't even be considered for a music major. I guess I'm as good as I thought...not good at all. What was I thinking. I would pick up on my excellence after not taking lessons for 5 years? Obviously I'm not as quick of a learner as I used to be. I thought this is what God was calling me to do. Now I don't know what to do. Not only that, I found out that the guy I've liked for forever has a 'friend' that is coming to Lufkin with him for Christmas. Guess that ruins my chances of anything possibly happening. I was wrong. When I really wanted to tell him how I felt, I told myself he didn't need the destraction, but I was wrong. I have a feeling that it's all going downhill from here, which is a major disappointment.

"She doesn't need a boyfriend." The words pierced through my ears straight into my mind. What is that supposed to mean? I don't need a boyfriend; no one needs a boyfriend. Is that how all guys view me? Am I marked with the "independence plague"? So much that no guy wants me because I don't need them? I may not need a boyfriend, but that doesn't change my desire for one. I promised myself I wouldn't get involved with any sort with a guy until I was in college, but right now I wonder. Was that a silly request? Right now my desire for a boyfriend far exceeds my imagination, which brings my down much further than any other guy would, which is kind of useless because the guy I've been dreaming for is far from my reach now.

College Audition

OMG. I don't want to do this ever again! It's so nerve racking. I messed up so many times..... I think. I SO wish i had someone else able to come in there with me so they could tell me how I did afterwards! I'm SO scared they didn't think I was good enough. But that happens alot...Lots of my friends say they think i did fine, but they honestly don't know, so it's really hard to judge. Man, I messed up when they interviewed me as well. I actually told them what I wanted to do in the future COMPLETELY...and you know what? The Head of the Dept. told me to consider a colleges that offers both majors! OMG! Can you believe that...they don't like me @ all! I'm so worried...

Audition

Well, I'm now considered part of my youth group's band. I'm going to play the keyboard. I kinda want to sing, but there's more of a demand in keyboard right now. I don't start until January, but it's all good. Now all I have to worry about is college auditions. SCARY! I don't even feel like a senior, much less almost in college. I mean I can't wait to go to college and get out of the house (more or less to be independant!) I hope that I get a scholarship for piano though...my family can't begin to afford college...pray that i do good...i need it!

John Ruskin

"There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it. In our whole life-melody, the music is broken off here and there by “rests,” and we foolishly think we have some to the end of time. God sends a time of forced leisure—sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts—and makes us a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives and we lament that our voices must be silent and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the rest? See him beat time with unvarying count and catch up the next note true and steady as if no breaking place had come between. Not without design does God write the music of our lives. But be it ours to learn the time and not be dismayed at the “rests.” They are not to be slurred over, not be omitted. Not to destroy melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat time for us with the eye on Him we shall strike on Him. We shall strike the next note full and clear."

I think that honestly explains itself.

Fairy Tales

So many girls hope, wish, and dream for a fairy tale ending. Ever since I was little, i've been told that there is no such thing. But up until now, I've always wanted one. I don't anymore. I want a fairy tale beginning. Not the magic, not the talking animals, talking inanimate objects, or singing little people. I just want the happiness, satisfaction, the completeness. It seems as if when they get their fairy tale ending, all their past troubles, horrible thoughts, and sorrows withered away in the moonlight. It was a brand new day and all the things in the past were just that; things in the past. I've never felt that. I've always lived life day by day adding on to the things in the past. Carrying my past troubles, thoughts and feelings. When one more would just get heavier and heavier until I would break down. I want a fairy tale beginning because I've always held on to memories. It would be nice to just one remember something good that happened. Many times we all find that bad outweighs good. Not only does Satan want us to believe that, but most of us look for the bad in others rather than the good. I guess I'm crying out for the ability to see beyond the bad things people see in me

Aaron

It upsets me at how evil this world can me. And how our anger tends to be but out on people that aren't near victims of what happened. My cousin was stabbed about 3" from the hear on Halloween night. He was in ICU until November 1 and sent to another department until November 3, 2005. Even after this, although at home, he is unable to lift anything above 10 lbs. or alowed to go anywhere for 10 days. Evidentlly, he was handing out candy to little innocent children, like most people do, until 3 teenage boys came to the door and snatched the candy out of his hands. My cousin, being the way he is, ran after them to get the candy back. The boys decided it was the best decision to jump him and one decided to stab him. The one who stabbed him I believe is in juvinile, but i could be wrong...I know he got caught though. It just hurts me that people can do that and laugh about it later.

This Weekend

Oh my gosh... this weekend was crazy...Friday and Saturday was cool. We had this thing at church for the ladies there. It was kinda weird though, b/c it was like live television. and it's kinda weird when your used to the live stuff. oh, but sunday...it was crazier...I was going home to spend some time w/ my mom b/c it was her birthday. and i noticed my friend left her stuff in my car. so I was going to turn to return her stuff at church before she left there. and i got into an accident on the say to the church. i was so devistated. My car's front bumper is dented in now. (not like it wasn't already..b/c of my dad) and my left headlight is cracked and it occationally works. I'm sore but no major injuries that i know of. And what was worse my mom's birthday was Sunday (the day I got in the accident). Ever since the accident i've had random emotional breakdowns. it's been horrible. I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't go to school today b/c of it...and plus...i was sore b/c of the accident. well, that was my weekend. not that proud of it. Well, I don't really have much to say...I'll write later...
Lindsay

Selfish People

It amazes me at how selfish people can be. I'm not saying I'm not selfish, but I realize how selfish I am through other people's ways of living. Today, throughout all this disaster from hurricane Rita, people are yet to complain about not having cable, or even television, when there are others out there without any form of transportation, electricity, communication, or food. Even though right now, my mom is without a job, we have some damage to the fence, no air conditioning, no refrigeration or lights, I'm still thankful of what I do have. A comunity of friends, family, and neighbors who love me for who I am and what I'm about. Unfortunately, alot of times we focus on the material things we have when the abstract things are really what is important.

About Death...

I don't know why I'm lead to write this or about this. But, I write what comes to my head, so maybe it's the holy spirit trying to tell me something. All of us are guilty of living life expecting the future. This hurrican (Rita) has really made me think. We spend so much time dreaming of what's to come here on earth, but little time on what would happen if we were to die at that instant. Maybe we all fear death to a certain extent. But for some odd reason, at this point in time. Surpristingly enough, I am at peace. And even though I'm excited to graduate, excited about going to college, excited about getting married (if i do), about starting a family of my own, even excited about started my career. I'm still okay with leaving it all behingd and dying. Earth isn't enough for me; I want God. I'm ready to meet him and talk to him and see my home in heaven. Now, whoever reads this...Don't worry...I don't plan on killing myself or anything.

"Under God?"

We had a guest speaker in my Government class yesterday. And we talked about the main reason why the guy in California is trying to get "under God" out of the Pledge of Allegience. I don't know about anyone else but i couldn't be more against that. Yes, I am a Christian, but that has nothing to do with why i side w/ not taking it out. The Pledge of Allegiance is something that we have done throughout history. and yes, it's true that "under God" was added in the 1950's but that's still part of history, it is in the past. We need to respect that those who believe in God have the freedom to say that in the Pledge of Allegience. If you don't want to say that one phrase in the Allegience, you have the freedom not to. but for those of us who do so choose to say it, respect the fact that we want to do it. Atheists are trying to take God out of everything, but Christians have rights too. Realize that we would like to have the freedom to do things too. We want the freedom to not do things too. The goverment should take into consideration the minority's rights and the majority's rights. The government seems to only side one way or the other. We need to find a common ground.

Zoo Pictures

When I returned home, my family went to the zoo (Jaime's wish). Here are some pictures that we took.

NASA

When I was working in Florida this summer we took a weekend off to go to orlando. We went to the Kennedy Space Center. We were going to get to see the launch, but it was cancelled because of the gas sensor was malfunctioning. So we didn't get to see it unfortunately. That would have been really awesome! The trip was a great trip. I enjoyed it. I hope I can go again this summer. Maybe I can convince my aunt to take me to DisneyWorld! :D probly not though, it's pretty expensive

Working @ FL

These are pictures of the things I was around all day long while in Florida:

1st picture: This was a picture of the roses that I worked with. I didn't get many pictures. Sorry guys! Maybe next summer!

2nd picture (Church): This was the church I played the piano at. I couldn't go somewhere without playing the piano for a month, so we found a church near Aunt Kathy and Uncle David's house that would let me play. I only played on the weekdays. I left work at 2:20 and immediately went to the church to practice. I would practice an hour or more there. The people there were exeptionally nice. It reminded me of Central Baptist Church; the church my dad pastored at before he left.

3rd picture: these are more pictures of the roses. There was about 5 acres of just roses, I should've gotten closer & prettier pics of the roses, but i didn't. Again, maybe next year!

4th picture: This is a picture of Sassy. I've known her ever since she was welcomed into the Hollowell family. My Aunt Kathy used to live with us when I was young. She got her while she lived with us in Abilene, Texas. Her name is the best way to describe her. She used to get on Meggan's (my first dog) nerves and now Mystic gets on her nerves

5th picture: This is Mystic (black dog). She is very friendly and playful. If you ever meet her, be careful about petting her. If you pet her once there's no getting rid of her until you leave. But that's a puppy for you, right?!

Fear

Throughout my life, I've had a problem with dealing with my fears. Fear can be a very controlling thing. Especially when your biggest fear is being controlled by fear. Sunday I talked to a very good friend of mine. And we were talking about guys, which is a normal subject with us. I've liked this guy for a real long time. and She asked me why i haven't let him know. And I couldn't come up with an answer. My denial of my fears made it worse. But, some of the things she said really got to me. And made me really think about alot of things. A book I'm reading about dating helped me to better understand what I was going through because there was a chapter in there about fears keeping you away from being yourself, which leads others away from you. I'm in Florida at the moment, so I haven't been able to talk to my friends barely at all. So i decided I would give another close friend a call. I talked to her and that was my next step to getting rid of my many fears. Last night, i was reading that book again, and I read a list of things that I would have to do to resolve me of my fears. First, you have to list out all of your fears; next, you need to rank your fears. After that you need to talk to a close friend that you know will listen and possibly went through the same thing. Then, you need to ask God to take care of it, and surrender to Him. Because without him you would have 100x more fear in your life. and if you continue with your fear it will gnaw on you like a beaver on wood. Some of us think that there's no turning back and that it's too late, but it's not. Not with God. But, you have to have faith that He will, otherwise it's not genuine. And just like salvation. It has to be 100% truthful. Yes, you will have to face your fear. Yes, you will have trouble, God promises you will. Yes, you will fail through this. But, at least you have hope. You have hope through God. It takes time but your fears will be resolved.

Homesick

It’s only been two days, and I’m already missing home. I’m having a great time. Aunt Kathy and I seem to be getting along as usual. Everyday I learn more about my family and things I know will be useful in the future. Believe it or not, seeing as my parents aren’t together, I really don’t get to observe the reality in marriage. It’s always been my dream to be married (like most people) and have 2 kids, a boy and a girl (I plan to have one/adopt the other…I’ll be sure that I’ll have a boy and a girl) And in my mind when I was younger, I imagined this perfect life with my spouse forever and ever like they show in the movies. I guess it takes a couple of times to realize things because I knew this. But I never grasped the concept. You and your significant other are going to annoy each other. But in the long run it’s okay because in the beginning where all this started, you and him share a common ground. You and him stood in frond of a pastor, a brother in Christ, and you and him made a beautiful promise that keeps you two together; through the think and thin you made a promise to you husband that you would try your best to love him, with God’s help of course, because you cannot do this by yourself. You’re also married to that person for a certain reason. God has a purpose for everything. He and you will learn things about each other and that’s the awesome part about it, most of the time. Another thing that I’ve realized is, it is so amazing at how God works things together. A couple years back, I wouldn’t have even imagined myself right here at Aunt Kathy and Uncle David’s’ house working at a rose farm. And from what Aunt Kathy says she didn’t visualize herself were she is now at the moment either. Sometimes God gives you things as planned, but sometimes he throws you a curveball, such as, where I am right now. And that’s what makes life so interesting.

Single Pics

These were the seperate pics that we took the same day (look @ the previous post) I hated showing the bottom of my feet, but oh well.

My sister and Me!

These are pictures that my sister and I took for Daddy's day! Isn't she so cute!

More Camp Pics

Camp Pics

Here are some pictures of Church Camp this year...i went camera happy this year...so there are like 50 more...i'm gunna try to get them up sometime...just a little later. So here are some of them

Pageant Pics

These are pictures that we took for the pageant. We needed one to go into the program. I chose the one where i was looking behind me into the camera.