Cheers to new beginnings...

Looking back...
1. See everything, good or bad, as an opportunity that God has placed in my life for
a reason
2. Completely (as in the words and accompaniment) write 5 songs
3. Learn to love
4. Learn to say no and yes (make better decisions)
5. Spiritually grow more than I could ever imagine
6. Stay focused
7. Enjoy life no matter what the occasion
8. Sing with joy
9. Save my money more often than I spend it!
10. Find a boyfriend (had to put a little humor in my list!)

Alright. So I didn't meet all the expectations set for/by myself for this past year, but I certainly do not regret what I have been through and what 2007 represents to me. I have tried my hardest to see everything as an opportunity. God has placed everything in my life because he loves me so much that he's willing to sacrifice everything to see me grow as an individual. 2007 has most definitely had its ups and downs...more downs than ups I might add, but I have learned to love some difficult people. I have been tested. And because of this my growth has exceeded far more than I could have imagined. I'm still learning to enjoy life despite the lack of surfaced happiness, but that is a progressive learning thing. Happiness is so much more than smiling every morning as you wake up and putting your beautiful hello face on when those people that pass you by like clockwork. It is so much more than thanking your parents as you open up a nice Christmas gift or realize a friend will not take no for an answer when they say they are paying for your meal at the restaurant. It's enjoying everything that life has in store, knowing that the God who hand crafted you will love you no matter what dumb decisions you make, or how many times you cry out to him asking for selfish wishes to come true. I made a number of dumb decisions this year some of which still seem to make it so much easier to press that snooze button every morning and so much harder to shuffle to the bathroom to start my days.

Break free of instability
Just breathe…
Stand on your own two feet.
I believe in you
You believe in me
But do you believe in yourself
That’s all that matters
Forget what everyone says
Forget how everyone thinks
Just breathe…

Only fools fall in love
Neither of us were willing to jump
You pushed me over the edge
And now I’m stuck in this pit
With no way out
You are a jerk
And I’m still smitten.

My Tribute to Passion Lost

Clouds
Clothed in rainbows of delicacy
The envious sky
Painted with hues of green
The love we share
Will be too beautiful
For the sun to shine on

Grass
Grazing our bouncing toes
Grows red with passion
The dirt separates from our feet
We are walking on air and free from sin
Anyone who follows in our footsteps
Will know how strong we are

Trunks of trees
Textured with tints of violet
Branching golden leaves
Staring at the cherubic sky
Our love is ever growing royalty

Desires
A hopeless obsession?
The ivy
Taking over
The beautiful house
We have built

Beginner's Luck, by Lindsay Hollowell

I’m sorry I have been so distant

Maybe I’m the one who’s missing it

It’s just that I’ve never done this before

This human tug-of-war

One side tells me that I’m in control

The other tells me just to let go

But it seems like you’ve already won

At this game that’s not much fun

No beginner’s luck

Frankly, I suck

I told myself this couldn’t happen

I’m sure the heavens are laughin’

We try to so hard to make it work

But it seems like all we do is jerk

The universe

One orbit at a time

Is it really worth it?

We haven’t crossed any lines yet,

But we sure have walked on some

We’re like drunkards

Trying to pass a test

Maybe it’s pointless.

I want a purple sky

I want the oceans tide

I want to hear the birds sing

I want all that God's crafted for me

But where do you fall in this masterpiece?

Just be patient with me

I can find time.

Will you?

I don’t want it to be this way

But that’s all I have to say.

You and me

Standing still

In the depths of our thoughts

Clueless.

Passion of a Life

You know? I used to feel all sorts of things. I used to feel love, compassion, hatred, fear, jealousy, pity, but all of that drifted away some time ago. I don’t know when or why; there’s probably a reason somewhere out there, but I haven’t figured it out yet. I think it was when I moved off to college, or shortly before that momentous time. A lot of things happen between graduation and moving off. A whole lot happens when you actually watch your parent(s) and sibling(s) coast off into the old world you left behind for education. You meet new people; you find friends…friends you wouldn’t expect to become friends with in high school. You have a new life completely. Things change. You grow. It’s expected, but you have no clue on how much until you look back at it all.

College is a busy world. It’s a world between adolescence and the real “real world”. Not quite as busy as it will get, but not as wasteful as high school. You have homework that the professors “fail to mention” (Note to self: Check your syllabus!), tests that are your only chance to pass the class, and resident assistants who check to see if your room is spotless on a weekly basis. Although, those aren’t entirely all that bad. That’s only the beginning. Living with your friends is the best and worst idea, especially in a freshman girls’ dormitory. It seems as if drama follows everyone. If you’re not the cause or the victim, have no doubt that you will be in the middle! And when you need to study the most, they want to go out for ice cream. It’s so hard to stand your ground when chocolate’s involved.

Despite all of that, you have to find out what you believe is truth. You make your decisions. You do what you want on a Friday night, or Sunday morning. You do what you want with all of your time. No one wakes you up in the morning anymore, unless you have a controlling roommate. You choose your friends, enemies, and boyfriends. Your friends can’t do it for you, although sometimes they are the incentive or hindrance to your decision. You choose whether or not you want the Wal-Mart brand or Pillsbury; Colgate or Crest; Suave or Frizz Ease. Your life is your life. You have 100% responsibility for you; no one else.

I think this scared me when I came to this “AHA” moment. I was scared of making a dumb mistake of myself. So I backed off. Quit trying, and pretended for a school year. I acted how I thought everyone wanted me to act throwing the real me in every once in a while of course, but mainly trying to show myself that it’s easy to take the easy way out. Living the life everyone wants me to live. Living the easy way was the hardest thing I have ever done though. I lost myself in fakeness. I stopped writing songs. I stopped being brutally honest…which I was fairly good at before moving to college. I stopped telling people what I thought. I didn’t want to be the cause of conflict. I fear conflict. So if I didn’t like something, I didn’t say a word. If I liked something, I didn’t say a word. Only when I felt like everyone felt the same way did I say something. That was the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. I thought I had learned that my fears were to be stomped on, not nurtured. But I was wrong. I continued to keep to myself, like I have most of my life.

Authentic. Unstoppable. Determined. Successful. Reliable. These are the words that I want to describe me. I want a chance in changing the face of the earth. No matter how much it energy it takes of me. I have a story, and I want to share it. I’m tired of being the man woman behind the curtain. I want to join the crusade in living with all there is of my being. I want to return to who I abandoned about a year ago. A music-loving imaginative artist who loves Christ and follows his every command because he is her creator and provider…the lover of her soul.

Live and Learn! And have some fun along the way!

These past 3 days were definitely one experience after another. One of my friends has a family that she knew in the past that moved to Marshall. They had a funeral to go to and they had asked her to house-sit while they were gone. They also mentioned that a couple of her friends could stay as well. She had invited me and my roommate.
The first night (Wednesday) we just kind of enjoyed each other's company while watching movies and just getting away from the dorms (which is nice!)

The second night (Thursday) we had planned on making a wonderful home cooked meal. And somehow that responsibility was put on me...I just had to blurt out the fact that I knew how to make lasagna from scratch...but it was very interesting. I had never done it myself, but i had seen my mom do it a couple of times. So we went to Wal-Mart while my roommate, Sarah, had to go to work. We had timed it very perfectly because the lasagna was supposed to be in the oven for an hour and Sarah was supposed to come in around 8 PM and it was just amazing how the timing worked out. Anyway, we were preparing food like any normal people would. I was browning the meat while Sadie was doing some dishes. Then we alternated and I layered the lasagna and she made some queso to hold us over until the lasagna was ready. I was getting everything cleaned up and Sadie had asked if the lasagna was ready to go into the oven. And I had responded, quite certain that it was in deed ready to be put in the oven. We had popped in a movie and laid out some chips and dip to keep us occupied while our dinner was cooking in the kitchen. Sarah had called Sadie to get directions from her on how to get to the house. Almost immediately after that the timer for the lasagna went off. I went into the kitchen to check everything out. Little did I know that I had forgotten one major little detail before putting it into the oven, I happily opened the oven to realize that my lasagna, the one I had lovingly prepared, the one I paid for 1/3 for, the one that everyone had been waiting to eat, was burnt to a crisp!!!!....well, just the top layer....the mozzarella part. I called Sadie into the kitchen not knowledgeable of what to do. We figured the best way to solve the problem is to scrape that layer off and cover it up again with cheese. Sarah will never notice! She didn't of course until Sadie couldn't keep it in any longer. ........Moral of the story: DON'T forget to wrap FOIL over your lasagna pan before putting it into the oven!....otherwise, you will have some tears and heartache when you open the stove! AND don't try to cover up your mistakes...it's not worth it...just fess up you may look like a bigger dork trying to hide it than just going out and telling it like it is!

P.S. It ended up tasting a lot better than we had expected!

The third night, (Friday) we went down memory lane and watched part of the Spice World movie...we were planning on watching Clueless and something else...i can't remember. Oh, yeah, and our friend, Hannah ended up staying with us that night as well. Sarah was doing a Disciple Now this weekend so she wasn't going to be able be there.
Today (Saturday) we enjoyed some some pancakes, but didn't start looking for the syrup until after I had started cooking some. So Hannah and Sadie went to Kroger in their PJ's (might I add that we woke up around 11 and didn't get to eating breakfast until 12) then after we ate some pancakes Sadie wanted Deviled eggs so we went back to Kroger in our PJ's and bought some eggs. When we first walked in there was this guy that worked there and was really awkward...but anyways...we made deviled eggs and had a sandwich for lunch. (Pictured: Orange cat is Cowboy and Grey cat is Mittens)

Needless to say, we had an amazingly interesting weekend. Despite burning the lasagna and having awkward moments with this weird guy in our pajamas in Kroger, I had a marvelous weekend!!

This weekend!

Well, I'm going to try to blog a little more often, even though I have lots of reading to do that I don't really feel like reading about and an essay due on Friday that I haven't started on. And a speech due on Tuesday that I haven't really decided on what to talk about, but oh well, that's what college life is all about right? Putting things off until that last minute, it gets you ready for the future craziness!
Anyway, I went home this weekend. The ride there and back was more interesting that the actual weekend. Brittany Compton rode with me. She's such an interesting and wonderful person. (interesting in the awesome kind of way!) Not only is she a marvelous friend, but she's so smart!
We were just about to put all of my things in the car and Brittany spotted my birthday cake in my room (my birthday was last Sunday for everyone who wanted to know)...and so she cut us both a piece for on the way down to Lufkin. Then we decided that it would be the smartest thing to grab some Chic-Fil-A before going off to Lufkin. So we did. So we ate while I was driving and she was getting situated in my car. Shortly after she had finished her meal, she decided to eat her half of the piece of cake, and left the other half on the dashboard so I could eat it when I stopped in Lufkin or something. When we got into Mt. Enterprise and had to get onto 259, I had to make a turn. When I made that turn, the birthday cake decided to slide off of the dashboard. Brittany's refluxes, caught in the moment, threw her foot up onto the dashboard to catch it, but that birthday cake was too determined to get to the floor, her foot was just one more obsticle that it had to take. We had to stop at the nearest Exxon station to raid their bathroom and take their toilet paper because we couldn't find anything in my car. We got back into the car and cleaned everything up and headed back to Lufkin. We finally got into Lufkin and I dropped Brittany off at her house. I got interested in a game show called "1 vs. 100" which is similar to "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" but you are against a group of 100 people called a mob. Sometimes people groups...like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders or a group of accountants or movie stars are in the group of 100, but it just depends on the episode i guess. Then Monk came on and I had to watch that too. After that show came on I returned home.
I got to sleep in on Saturday, which was very nice considering I didn't get to do much of it last weekend, because I was leading a Disciple Now. I joined my mom on the way to pick up Jaime from my dad's house. She got to go to the Build-A-Bear Workshop where she got a Husky dog and got to get a bunch of cute accessories for her new little inanimate friend.
Today, I woke up really late and didn't get to go to church, and was planning on going to Sunday School but got interested in homework of all things and lost track of time...weird I know! We got home safely...obviously, otherwise, I wouldn't be typing right now! lol...So, here I am...now...supposed to be doing my homework and reading for english and music theory 2...but i'm not...I'm telling you about this weekend! Horrible...i know! Ok...I'm going ..................now...I wish i had more interesting things to write about so I just couldn't wait to write to you about so I wouldn't have to do my homework, but right now...not much is going through my head except how much i didn't practice this week and how much i should have done this weekend, and didn't....grrr...why does this always happen to me!!!!

D-Now

This weekend I led my first Disciple Now. I knew before hand that it would be different leading one than actually being the student listening to what the leader had to say the whole weekend. But nonetheless it was great. I hadn't had much time to prepare before hand because I started school the week before the event. I had the 6th & 7th grade girls. Elizabeth and I co-led it. ......I'll elaborate later...i only got approx. 6 hrs. of sleep all weekend...i'm really tired...so i'm gunna rest for now....
....
seems like its been a lifetime since I've been where they are rightOk, I'm back. I really enjoyed leading the middle schoolers. It now, but they seemed so much smarter than I was. They listened most of the time, and had trouble staying on task some times. But, they were just so marvelous. I loved them. The first night we were there on of the kids got homesick and came into our room crying and asked if she could call her mom. We let her do so thinking that she would be able to calm her down a little. She ended getting sick to her stomach and had to go home anyway. I feel that Satan was trying to keep her away from something that would happen and her mother felt the same way so she came back the next morning for the sessions. The next night another girl wasn't feeling well, but she went to church anyway. My co-leader also got sick and went home to recover. But it was a wonderful experience and hope I can do it again either next year or soon!

How repulsive does it have to get
Until we do something about it
Does the God
With the signs and wonders
Have to spell it out for us

People are suffering
People are lost
People fight for their lives
What have we done?
Where did we go?
Who did we see?

Go ahead and wave it off
Like you did your best friend
Down the street.
What will you have to answer?
Will it be the two dollars you saved
Will it be the five bucks you earned
Or will it be the time you spent
Praying for others
Not expecting anything in return.

When will the selfishness end?
When will we wake
from these carcasses
we shuffle to point B?

That’s not the destination
We were meant to get to

New Year Resolutions

This time of the year seems to come faster and faster, but only comes once a year. It’s a time where it seems everyone and everything starts on a clean slate. Where the end has come and the new has begun. Where everyone reverently hopes that the new is much better than the old. But doesn’t seem to feel that way about the year before. Why must we get things wrong over and over again? You would think we would get it at least on the third try or something. But enough of my bashing…as it is customary to have a few goals for the year ahead, here are some of mine. (Bare in mind that I am sometimes a little too optimistic, but realistic at the same time, when it comes to these)

1. See everything, good or bad, as an opportunity that God has placed in my life for a reason
2. Completely (as in the words and accompaniment) write 5 songs
3. Learn to love
4. Learn to say no and yes (make better decisions)
5. Spiritually grow more than I could ever imagine
6. Stay focused
7. Enjoy life no matter what the occasion
8. Sing with joy
9. Save my money more often than I spend it!
10. Find a boyfriend (had to put a little humor in my list!)