College

Well, my dad and I had a little conversation this week. We were in the car and somehow we began talking about college. And he continued talking like always, never stopping for my input, just giving out his two cents like always. I finally couldn't take it anymore and the only way I could possibly fix things is to break his heart. I hate to say it, but I burst out crying on purpose. There was this argument in my head saying DON'T CRY, CRY, DON'T CRY, CRY. And I hate to inconveniently cry...If that's possible. But you can only hold in your emotions for so long which is something I tend to do. I stand strong in large crowds but I only cry in the presence of my God. I've realized that if I cry in front of people, someone ends up getting hurt. I either say something wrong, or I don't express my emotions quite right to other peoples understanding, or I get hurt because I'm not as stable as I thought I was. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I don't know of any other way to explain it. I can't stand for anyone to get their feelings hurt, so I just keep to myself. Anyway, I burst out crying. And my dad didn't understand why I was crying. And I didn't quite understand why I was crying either. I just got tired of him talking to me about college, especially seeing as I don't know where I want to go or major in. But he asked me why I started crying. And all that could come to my mind was "I never feel like your proud of me." Which for anyone reading, is not the smartest thing to say to a parent just for future reference. Just to make a long story short. It all boiled down to him figuring out that my parent's divorce is the main reason I always feel like he's not proud of me. The reason being is b/c he lives so far out, I feel it's an inconvenience for him to come see me for events of importance. I need my father's presence. I miss him so much, that it hurts. I've realized that him leaving has brought me back to square one; I'm back to where I've started. When I was younger, he was never at home. And that somehow made me shy; I didn't want to communicate with anyone. I guess he was my comfort, my shield, when he was around, I knew that everything would be okay soon, if not immediately. When my parents divorced, that happened all over again, but I was so confused at that time...Typical middle school craziness (I passionately dislike middle school!) so I covered my insecurity w/ forcing myself to appear secure. And I've now realized that's what was going on. And soon after my heart was broken, I went through a major shyness. So people saw an almost immediate change in my behavior. I didn't go this in depth with my dad. But I'm actually understanding this as I type. LOL

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

These are kind of out of order, so bare with me here.... We went to Joe's Crab Shack on Wed. (Jan. 3) and I didn't eat anything because it was expensive and I don't like seafood. The first and fourth picture are from the side of the building. The second, fifth and sixth pictures are of Beth Moore. We got to go see her on Wed. as well. She was at one of the Breakout sessions. Breakout sessions were available to everyone to go see who they wanted to. All of Nashville was involved with this and so there were many buildings and speakers to visit. The first day a couple of us went to see ??Greg Matte?? but i never took any pictures. third picture is another picture of the Hard Rock Cafe sign, and I don't know how to delete it, so if anyone can tell me how to delete just one picture let me know :D The seventh picture is a pic of Louis Giglio. He's a wonderful speaker. He spoke twice I believe. I remember one time he spoke about how God made the universe which is many lightyears big. But yet he still choses us. The last picture are of John Piper. He spoke twice about suffering.

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

The first photo was during one of the main sessions. It would start out with a praise and worship through song. and then a speaker would come out and talk to us. and then we would have another group of songs to sing. They wouldn't tell you who was playing the day of the session. Everyday was a surprise. This picture was taken on January 3 (Wed.). The David Crowder Band was playing. They were incredible. I loved that they were so exciting; it was great. The second picture is the picture of the pool at our hotel. I thought it was awesom that the pool was shaped like a guitar. That was the best part of the hotel. :D The next picture is a pic of Chris Tomlin I believe. He was great too. All of the performers were wonderful. The next picture i have no idea why I took it. I think it was a pic to show you how many people were actually there because the band is kinda off to the side! The last photo is a picture of Chris Tomlin again. He sang alot, and that's wonderful in my opinion :D

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

Alright, I don't know what the first picture is, but it has to be something. I took a picture of it...If i ever find out, i'll edit this post and you can keep on looking at this entry if it bugs you. :D The next picture is just some randome picture of downtown, but i don't know where, and why I took it....lol...The next two pictures are of another sign to the Hard Rock Cafe. I thought that this sign was awesome, so I took a picture of it :D. The last picture is the Gaylord Arena. I never got a full picture of the building, but it was enormous. It packed over 18,000 people in there every session!

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

OK, This first picture is the top of the Galord Arena and later on I will have a picture of the entrance. This next picture is a picture of two of my good friends Paula (the same on in my first entry) and Kellie. I have known Kellie for a while. She is a wonderful person and has a love for people and God. Shes so awesome. The next picture is a far away picture of a wall mural. It was on the side of the Hard Rock Cafe. There were many murals throughout the town, unfortunately, i never took any pictures of them :( oh well. The next picture is a picture of Kellie again. and the picture after that is the sign for Hard Rock Cafe. Kellie's picture and Kellie's, Paula's, and my picture are in Hard Rock Cafe. We actually sat in the Bar, but no worries, we never ordered anything alcoholic. They had wonderful food, they just didn't give us alot. I wish they did though, it was expensive enough. lol...

Nashville-Passion

This past week I was in Nashvill, Tennessee. It was SO awesome! I could see myself living there! I think it'll be easier if I just explained the trip by explaining the pictures. It'll be easier for me..lol...I'll go from left to right. The first picture is a picture of the bridge we had to walk across in order to get to the conference I went to. The reason I was in Nashville was because the college group at my church was going there. It was a conference called Passion. It is held annually at Nashville, although next year it is going to be in Atlanta, Georgia. Now, back to the bridge....The main place we were at most of the time was approxomately 2 miles away from the hotel we were staying at. The first 2 days we walked back and forth from the hotel and the Gaylord Arena (that's where it all happened :D) The next picture is just a picture of downtown Nashville from about .5 miles away. The next picture is a picture of a wonderful friend of mine. Her name is Paula. I only get to see her once a year *tear* because she lives in Brazil. But it's okay. I'm SO glad for the Internet :D Its one of the best inventions of the world :D The other 2 pictures are pictures of downtown Nashville as well. I will continue in my next few blog entries...lol..i feel like I'm making a documentary, but with typing... TO BE CONTINUED ;)