Pursuit of Happyness...

Everyone comes into this world wanting more...more money, more talent, more stuff, more time...etc. I just got back from the movie "Pursuit of Happyness" ..Which is a very inspiring movie..but really long! anyway...I've been going through a lot of tough things in the past few ...hmm..well lets just say it's been all this semester. But I'll give you the abridged version seeing as it's 1AM and I'm tired! :) ...Leaving home is a big deal...believe it or not..I didn't want it to effect me, but it did whether I like or not. On from not coming home to a nice cooked meal to having to learn how to manage my money it has been one interesting ride to the next. Not just any ride either it was a winding roller coaster living in a dormitory of freshmen girls is definitely a trip of a lifetime...not always the best trip, but it has it's perks. It's been a tough semester, not going in ahead of the gang like I've almost always been. Just for anyone wondering, music is not an easy ride after taking 6 years off of lessons...especially if it's in piano. I have definitely looked for what I thought made me happy all this semester, but I've been striving to please someone else or a group of somebody elses..depending on the situation. That's where I went wrong all along. There was a point in the movie where they were talking about what Benjamin Franklin was thinking when he included the pursuit of happiness. And it really made me think about what I have been pursuing to make me happy. Was it my friends? Was it those random fun times? A phone call that I never recieved? Why was this semester not all that I expected?
Four of my checks bounced yesterday, and last night I was so worried and stressing over how I was going to break it to my mom because not only did those checks bounce but there was a charge as well. So I was in the red further than I would have if they would've just waited one more day. I had already put money in the bank but there was a wait on the check because I didn't deposit with cash. But today, it's crazy that God led me to go see this movie about this poor guy that recently had his wife walk out on him and he still managed to take care of their child and land a job while being homeless in a brokers business. I don't know if this is God's way of saying Hey, you may have it tough now, but just wait, it'll get better. Let's just hope that I don't go homeless or anything.
I hope everyone out there reading this has a very merry Christmas, and as you are opening those nice gifts remember that some people either don't have families, or homes, or presents to spread the cheer. That's why Christ is a gift that can't replace anything, he's the best gift we can give the world these days or any day for that matter.

Unfinished songs are never fun...but here's another!

The water all around is pulling me in;
I need a staff to flee into your arms again.
The enemy is too close for comfort.
Only a miracle can save me now.
You are my only hope.

God you are the reason why I am here,
And even though trouble is all I see,
Your beauty surrounds me.
You are my joy.
You keep my peace.
You remain my love.

Part the sea
So I can run through.
Part the sea
So I can run to you.
Is there light at the end of this tunnel,
Or am I wandering aimlessly?

Somewhat Decent Weekend

I had a somewhat decent weekend, despite the drama involved...but we won't get into that right now. Friday we had a wonderful fun girls night! We played Cranium with some of my wonderful ETBU friends, Sadie, Sarah, Megan, Brittany, and Holly. I won of course, but hey we had some good competition :)...Then we watched Parental Control and I stayed in Megan's (my suite-mate...or should I say my sweetmate ;D) room....
Saturday we went to the ETBU football game and had a blast! Here are some beautiful pictures of my friend and I (Megan)....ETBU won...I guess we're their good luck charms b/c this was their first win...so anyways. After that, we ate cafeteria food (boo, no good on wkends!)...and then Ammellia (roommate) and I re-arranged our room which looks fabulous by the way. Then, Megan and I watched one of my top 10 movie choices...How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days. and we kinda dosed off on that one. ....
Sunday, we went to Central Baptist Church and ate pancakes for breakfast. After church we got together with a group of friends and ate Chinese food. Then we came back to ETBU campus and Megan and I took a 2 hour nap I think and worked on homework. Then we went to Wal-Mart and got a couple of things and stopped by Quizno's (one of the greatest inventions in the world ;))...and ate here and finished some more homework....which I'm not doing now...I got a little distracted...I know this blog doesn't change your life or anything, but hey, it kept you entertained for at least a minute or 2!

A Clean Slate?

Well, I have gone through a week of college. It's been different; definately not what I wanted the week to end with, but it happens to me I guess. Monday-Wednesday went by great. Things went by fairly smoothly and I enjoyed my classes. Then Thursday came, unfortunately, . ...First off, my alarm didn't go off. That should have been the first sign that things weren't going to go well. I rushed to get ready and I headed off to go to my class which was English. I started up the stairs of the building and went up to the fourth floor where my class was. I walked into the doors and I thought that everything looked a little weird, like everything was a little misplaced, but I thought Well, I've only been in this building once so it may be just my mind playing tricks on me. So I went down the hallway and I remembered that my class was at the end of the hall. So I went down there and the door was closed, and I was like, okay, she has another class, I'll just wait in the hallway for a while. Then I was thinking, okay, it's 9:20 they should be out by now, so I started to head towards the stairwell and this lady walked out of one of the offices down the hall. And she asked if i needed help. I said, "No, I just have a class here I was just waiting for it to let out." And she responded, "No, you don't have a class in here you must be thinking of Scarborough." (which I was). So I ran to get to my REAL class, which I barely made it. Then she started class with "How did your interview go." I didn't now that we had to have our people interviewed because I hadn't had a chance to look at the syllabus for English. I had called my aunt to interview but she couldn't talk and so she was going to call me back. But she never did. And even if she did, there was no way i could write notes on what she was going to tell me because I wouldn't have gotten anything accomplished the way that my teacher wanted. But that's beside the point. That wasn't the only problem of the day...
I have piano class on Thursday as well. I had been working on this one piece over the summer. I assumed that my teacher would ask me to play something for him. So I chose the piece I was talking about. So I began playing it and it was fine until I got to this one place and I went totally blank. I mean blank to where I wanted to jump out of the window and run as far away from the piano as I possibly could blank. I knew that piece what happened? It still boggles my mind why this happened. ....That's not it. I had to play it again, with all of the piano performance majors in the room (Studio Piano Group). And I practiced an HOUR on that one piece that I had played probably 5 million times before. My mom probably has it memorized more than I do. And I went blank in front of everyone. I felt so humiliated.
This whole starting out on a clean slate thing. I guess it doesn't work for me. I've gotten so used to being discouraged and cast out because of my musical abilities that I've let that take place of my confidence. Studying music is harder than it looks. I can write out scales and key signitures and tell you how many half steps it is from F# to C but that doesn't change the way I play. That doesn't change my confidence. I came here to get that confidence that I really never had. Yes, I can sing and I can play the piano, but I will be the first to admit I have trouble doing both in pubic. In fact, it scares me to even think about it. But I feel like God has called me to do both. I don't know when, where, how or why, but he does. And I'm going to continue to try my best to make my Heavenly Father proud.
Pray for me anyone who reads this!

The Time is Near

Well, it's been a week of getting to know people and going through boring sessions and listening to professors talk about things I already sort of knew. Now I must enter into the real world again. I must be attentative and studious. I must work hard at my choice of practice. Two hours in front of the piano minimum will be expected of me more than likely. Many of these people I saw this week, I will see very little of. Much like church camp, I have not fulfilled what I've come here to do. (Form relationships with different people). I have a tendency of forming a click, and never leaving it. The people I have hung out with are my roommate, suitemates and random short conversations with people I don't remember their names. Why do I do this? Why do I not reach out and get to know others? Am I afraid? Do I avoid people I don't want to form relationships with? And why do I not want to do that? They're just as human as I am. It seems as if this week has brought up a bunch of questions about why I choose to do what I do...and I don't know. I don't know why I form clicks, I don't know why I have trouble showing people how I truly feel. I'm sure some of it is because of my past, but surely it's not all of that. Because as long as I remember I've been this way.

Finally here!

Well, I'm finally here. Planning this for a long time. I don't have that much time to write and plus, i'm tired...so i just wanted to let my wonderful friends know that I'm really excited for the school year to start. I love learning about new things and daily learn, and so, i can't wait to study what I love almost ALL DAY EVERYDAY!!!! lol...anyways. short blog, but i like my roommate and SWEETmates! so it's goin great so far! I hope that everyone in Lufkin is doin great too! I miss every single one of them!!! Well, i'll post an update later on! Take care guys

Lindsay

Craziness

I haven’t blogged in a while, which probably explains why everything’s been so crazy and overbearing lately. I think it helps a lot that I get things out in the open through my blogs. I don’t talk much when it comes to serious things because I’m always afraid that I’ll say something untruthful or something. Like if I’m talking about something that I’m unsure about or not quite knowledgeable about. But I won’t get into that right now. That’s not why I decided to write. I need to get my feelings out about other things.

I really hope that I don’t offend anyone, but a very good friend of mine told me I need to stop worrying about that because that’s normally what keeps me from saying things. I’ve been hurting for a long time. Not personally, but hurting for others; people come to me or even worse, they don’t come to me and someone else tells me about them. For some reason, as soon as I hear that someone has a problem or are struggling with something, I find it as my responsibility to fix it. I’m slowly realizing that this isn’t how things are supposed to be. I’m not saying that you aren’t supposed to be there for them because it says in Galatians 6 that we are supposed to be there for others and carry other’s loads, but I’ve learned that it’s out of my power to handle everyone that comes to me with their problems’ problems (that’s kinda hard to word!!). I truly don’t know what all is going on in the world at all, but someone else does. Someone else is there that knows EVERYTHING that is going on, and how everyone’s relationships are linked to the rest of the world. People’s problems, concerns and struggles are not just my problem to fix, and I shouldn’t be held responsible for fixing all of them because it’s humanly impossible. But Philippians 4:13 says that THROUGH Christ anything is possible. It’s possible that your problems, concerns and struggles can be resolved as long as you continue to look to God.

Satan has gotten a hold of some people that were in my life on a regular basis this year, unfortunately. They meant a lot to me and still do, but it’s been very hard for me lately in dealing with it. I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to fix things and make things the way that they used to be, but the truth is, you can’t make things the way that they used to be because we will always look to the past and how everything was in that miserable time too. Just like a pencil eraser, when you try to erase something, you can’t erase it completely, there’s still some mark of your mistake. No matter how hard you try, it will still be there, but that’s the amazing thing believe it or not. God uses your story either way, whether you’ve had a miserable and difficult life with lots of eraser markings or a clean neat life that appears to be perfectly planned out. God doesn’t want you to overlook your faults because that’s what brings others to Christ, what you were and what you are now.

Some Strong Thoughts

I found this quote while reading today...i thought they were rather wonderfully put together, so fit to put on my blog! Enjoy! :D

“She has been unkind to you, no doubt; because you see, she dislikes your
cast of character, as Miss Scatcherd does mine: but how minutely you remember
all she has done and said to you! What a singularly deep impression her
injustice seems to have made on your heart! Not ill-usage so brands its record
on my feelings. Would you not be happier if you tried to forget her severity,
together with the passionate emotions it excited? Life appears to me too short
to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs. We are, and must be,
one and all, burdened with faults in this world, but the time will soon come
when, I trust, we shall put them off our corruptible bodies; when debasement and
sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of
the spirit will remain—the impalpable principle of life and thought, pure as
when it left the Creator to inspire the creature: whence it came it will return;
perhaps again to be communicated to some being higher than man—perhaps to pass through gradations of glory, from the pale human soul to brighten to the seraph! Surely it will never on the contrary, be suffered to degenerate from man to
fiend? No; I cannot believe that. I hold another creed; which no one ever taught
me, and which I seldom mention; but in which I delight, and to which I cling:
for it extends hope to all; it makes Eternity a rest—a mighty home, not a terror
and an abyss. Besides, with this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the
criminal and his crime; I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the
last: with this creed revenge never worries my heart, degradation never too
deeply disgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low; I live in calm, looking
to the end.”

-Excerpt from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

Daddy's Weekend

This weekend i went to my dads...Something had gone on in his life that had made him depressed...i don't know exactly what, but something wasn't right...i had never seen him so miserable. I just want to put up a post so that others know that my daddy's in pain on the inside...and it not only hurts him, but it hurts me as well. Maybe it's one of the best things that he's going to go through because i believe that everything happens for a reason. We don't always know the reason, and we may never know, but God knows why and He's there for us. But then again maybe its something that will only bring him down even more. I don't know, but God knows. Pray that my family and I will be strong enough to help him through this tough time. I'm afraid that these tough times will have to help him out of this sinful stage of his life. ...and Daddy, if you're reading this...i'm sorry i don't have the guts to say that to you verbally...hopefully you've picked up on the fact that i don't agree with what you're doing with your life, but if not ...i'm sorry it had to work out this way...i love you no matter what happens or what decisions you make, but that doesn't change my beliefs.

Ode to Vacation

Our summer of 2006
Is something we will always miss.
We laughed a lot in spite of rain,
And our trip to Myrtle was kind of lame.
We enjoyed the ocean breeze,
And all our many shopping sprees.
We packed our bags and went real far
In our little Taurus car.
But now we’re home and happy too,
Because we saw the ocean blue!
By Katie Williams and Lindsay Hollowell

Senior Trip...Day 11

We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner. I love that place! I found a bear that says All Star Dad on his hind feet. It’s so adorable. I couldn’t walk away without it even though I know Daddy doesn’t really need it ;) We stopped in Knoxville, TN at the Parkview Inn. They were remodeling so it smelt like a mixture of plaster and paint and wallpaper paste in the hallways, but the rooms and people were very nice. We’re going to visit Belmont University today. I hope it’s as nice as it looks on the website. I would love to live in Tennessee. It’s all so pretty here. The mountains on the west and the musical influences on the east. It’s so perfect for me, isn’t it?! ;) I took so many pictures of the landscaping yesterday. I’ll probably do the same today.

Okay, well, I didn’t take as many pictures as I did yesterday. I slept a lot. We stopped at Belmont, and it was an okay campus from the outside; maybe it looks better on the inside. It was also on the other side of town than Passion was on…We ate lunch at Arby’s just outside of Nashville; I’ve had better, but it was okay. (I’m very critical this week I guess!) We got to Little Rock, Arkansas and ate at Applebee’s. It wasn’t that great either…they didn’t put enough sauce on my Fiesta Lime Chicken! (not a biggie though…it was still good). Now we’re at Best Western that isn’t the BEST! They don’t have ANY extra pillows, and you can’t see your feet at the bottom of the 3’ pool (what does that tell you!!)

Senior Trip...Day 10

We left the house around 10 AM this morning. It was so sad, but I’m glad I’m going back to reality. We stopped at Hardee’s not to long from now (1:05 PM) in Laurel Hill, NC It was PACKED in there! It wasn’t the best experience, but it put food in our tummies :D so it was just enough.

Senior Trip...Day 9

Today we prepared for leaving tomorrowL. We went out into the ocean tonight for one last time. It was very wavy! Why does it all have to end?! It’s all so sad! I originally had wanted 6 girls to come with me, but I’m kind of glad that it was just Katie and me. Don’t get me wrong, I would have had a blast either way, but it was nice to get closer to my wonderful friend that has stuck by me through ALL that I have been through since I’ve been five. Well, I’m still tired!
Adios Amigos!
Lindsay

Senior Trip...Day 8

Today it was extremely windy on the ocean, so we went to Ocean Isle Beach, NC. There, they had a Museum and we went there. It featured a lot of wild life information It was a lot better than that other museum we went to the other day in Cape Fear…or whatever. They had a spot in the museum explaining how the Aztecs counted. They counted with shapes 1-19 looked like the twisted side of a safety pin…20 looked like a flag and 400 looked like a pine tree. When we got back to Holden Beach, we stopped at a couple of shops. I got 2 movies (Moulin Rouge and How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days) I also got a necklace that matched Katie’s. It was very cute! Well, I’m extremely tired! So I’m going to hold off on the extra stuff.
Sweet Dreams,
Lindsay

Senior Trip...Day 7

Today we went to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It wasn’t as nice as I thought it would be. When we first got there, it didn’t seem to be that bad, just very commercialized. Almost every corner had a miniature golf course place. Then we took a left turn towards the shore and there were a MILLION hotels along the strand. We looked for parking and finally found one for a somewhat reasonable price. Then we walked and found a Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum. It was okay. Not as awesome as it sounded, but oh well, It was still a little interesting! (Some parts super gross…but what do you expect!) After than we looked for a place to eat, but couldn’t find very many places that sounded appetizing or little sister friendly. So we found a Subway with no seating. We had to wait for some inconsiderate jerks that didn’t dry themselves off before going into a restaurant to finish eating. Then we tried to find a place to shop that didn’t look like college party boys/girls lived there (Spenser’s). Then we got away from that area. (Thank goodness) We ended up going shopping at an Eagles and another outdoor shopping center. When we got to the beach house, we went out to the beach to search for sea shells, but got sidetracked by taking a bunch of gorgeous pictures of the ocean.

Senior Trip...Day 6

Today we went to Southport, North Carolina, where we looked in the North Carolina Maritime Museum. There was a lot about Cape Fear there; it was kind of interesting. We were planning on going to Fort Fisher and Bald Head Island, but it was pouring down rain when we left the museum and Jaime was being snotty so I knew that she wouldn’t make things easy on us if we stayed. Oh well, I probably don’t need to spend any money on stuff like that anyway. When we got back to the beach house, we played Cranium, watched an Elizabeth Taylor movie and ate breakfast for dinner (not in that order!) Tomorrow we are supposed to go to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. My grandparents are supposed to come in on Thursday (8th) but they didn’t make any promises. I hope they do though, I don’t get to see them as often as I like. I love my family, but miss them so incredibly much. My friends always complain about family get-togethers/reunions and stuff, but they truly don’t know how well off they have it. I would love to have the opportunity to get to learn about my family history and meet people who are related to me. Everyone has a life story and way better story to hear than my own family’s? Wow, I wrote more than I wanted to. Oh, I also got up SUPER early this morning and walked the beach with my mom and found lots of awesome shells! Well, I better go before I write a whole novel!

Senior Trip...Day 5

Today we went miniature golfing. I'm so tired. I can't even thing right now. All I can think about right now is

1. I hope it doesn't storm tonight
2. My tummy hurts really bad right now and I don't know why
3. That spegetti I had tonight was really good
4. This bed is really high off the ground and squeeks only sometimes...i hope i don't fall!

Okay, well, i can think a little, but that's NOTHING compared to what all normally goes on in my head! Makes you wonder now, huh?

Senior Trip...Day 4

Today we went out and enjoyed the ocean pretty much. We swam and tried to boogey board, but there weren't enough waves out far enough. We also made a sand castle. We didn't get to finish it though because it was dinner time. We named it "Je n'ai fini pas Castle," which means I'm not finished in French.

Another Unfinished Song!

Your awesome power created this splendor,
Your beautiful hands created this world,
Your wonderful loved breathed life so we could speak your name,

And I rejoice.
And you are worthy.
Your beauty is surrounding me,
As I sing about you.

So many others don’t acknowledge your great works.
Help me to show them what I see in You.
Your wonderful mystery amazes me;
I am in awe of You.

Senior Trip...Day 3

Well, we're FINALLY here! I've been waiting for this moment ever since I was working in Florida last summer! The Fairfield in was so much nicer than that dinging old Ramada from the night before!!!!! Today we had breakface at the hotel which was nice because we could eat in comfort (and in our pj's!). And for lunch we had Quizno's which wasn't too far from the beach. We went to one of the beach stores near Holden before we checked in at the beach house. We were able to get here a little bid early, which was nice. As soon as we got here we settled in to enjoy. Then shortly after that we stopped to go to the shore. Then went to the loval Wal-Mart and ate frozen pizza (YUMM :S) Today Katie commented on how nice it was to relax and enjoy life on vacation. It is nice I suppose. I loe hearing the waves hit the sand. It's truly amazing what God has created. I'm so blessed to just be about to be here enjoying his marvelous wonder.

Senior Trip...Day 2

We left Ramada a little later than expected because I didn't realize that it was past 9AM and I hadn't packed yet. We had a rough night last night anyways. First, there was a bright red light from the hair dryer in the bathroom. I couldn't sleep with that on, so I got up and unplugged it. As soon as I got back in bed, there was this super loud truck outside trying to back up into a parking space or something for about 10 minutes. My mom got up to look out the window and there was a black dude out there. But NONE of us in bed heard her get up and walk to the window so we were shocked when we heard her voice clear across the room. We laughed forever. I woke up at 2:02AM, and tried to go back to bed. I couldn't so I stared at the clock on the microwave for an hour and a half, timing how long it took for our loud air conditioner to come on and off (3 minutes to come on/4 minutes to come off) until I could finally get back to sleep. After that, I was out of it! Katie said that I kicked her, but I don't know, I was asleep! ;P We ate at IHOP for breakfast. (YUCK!..You know they don't have bagels?!) Oh well, I'll live. I took a bunch of pictures in Birmingham, Alabama. (They didn't turn out well, though, so I'm not going to include them!) We tried to look for a postcard, but there was no sign of one in the places we stopped. Maybe on the way back. We also made a little tiny documentary while driving. I thought it would give the movie a little more character ;) Right now we're in Atlanta, GA. I'm hoping to stop soon for lunch, but I doubt it. I'm the only one sort of hungry...Considering I just had a plate of hashbrowns for breakfast!


We did eat after we went through Atlanta, GA. We went to Chick-fil-A. Katie had never been there so it was a new experience for her...I know, I can't believe it either! Mom still didn't hand over the wheel until after we ate dinner in Columbia, SC at the Pizza Hut. That country speaking wonderful place (*rolling eyes*). I drove to Florence, SC and now we're in the Fairfield Inn, which is MUCH MUCH nicer than the Ramada Inn in Tuscaloosa, Alabama (by the way, never go there!)

Senior Trip...Day 1

Today we left at around 9 this morning. It was kind of hard to get EVERYTHING in the car! But we succeeded! I drove first uuntil we got into Shreveport, LA. We got there about 11:30. We stopped to eat at a Subway and then mom drove. We had to stop for gas somewhere! And then the next thing you know, Jaime had to go to the batheroom bad. So we stopped at a gas station again. About 2-3 hours later we stopped and ate dinner at Cracker Barrel in Jackson, Miss. I drove a ways down the road, well, another 200 miles, and we stopped at a Ramada Inn. So, that's where we are. I can't wait to get to the beach! It's gunna be great. I hope the weather is going to be superb for tanning and hanging out on the beach...(NO RAIN PLEASE!!!!)

Senior Trip...Day 0

Spontaneous Combustion:

My mom is acting so weird today. At first, she's all nice, and then, at the first sign of craziness she decides to threaten me to cancel the trip, my senior trip! How ridiculous is that?! I was telling her the honest truth about how I felt about things and she blows up on my like a balloon. That's never happened before...EVER! And if you know my mom you would believe me. Aren't mothers supposed to be there for you? No matter what it's about? Whether it's about how annoying or selfish your sister is acting or how crazy you feel because you did something stupid.

Listen up guys....

Countless times I have told guys that I didn't want a dating relationship with them, and they just didn't seem to understand why, so for you guys who are clueless, i just want to clue you in on common reasons why women say no:

1. Your friend asks us out for you
2. We ask you to call us, and when you call us TWO MONTHS LATER! you wonder what is going on!
3. You've been around us for a whole year at school/work and never give us the time of day, then decide to ask us out when you know that we are moving or no longer going to be around.
4. Women rarely date younger guys, unless you're mature for your age (not the cocky mature either!)

Just to let yall know, this guy in my class wants to date me, but:

• neglected to tell me earlier in the year
• waits till the last day of school to HAVE HIS FRIEND ASK ME!!!
• told his friend to ask me!
• didn't even give me the time of day to get to know me...in other words doesn't want to date me for me, but for my looks
• is 16 while I'm 18 (I know that's only two years difference, but he acts like 14...so it's more like 4 years!)...studies do show that women are more mature than men, so i would date higher up, but never younger!
• avoids me at all costs!

Now does that sound like boyfriend material! NOPE! Guys, you're supposed to be the more logical of the two...think before you start liking someone!

New Song

Well, I've written a new song! I was going through another tough time. I was actually going to bed thinking about my problem, and all of a sudden these lyrics popped into my head and I couldn't get them out! So I turned on the light and started writing it...it was so amazing how God just gave me that song! I didn't work hard to make sure that it sounded good because His songs are perfect! I know it's addressed to God, but it was like he was assuring me that He really knows how I feel and that's amazing. I never understood how someone perfect could understand someone imperfect without truly experiencing imperfection. But this song is proof of that...Anyways...here it is:

Extraordinary

Verse 1:
This broken heart is crying,
This broken heart is dying,
And I don’t
know what to do
Lord I don’t know what to do.

Chorus:
But you,
I’m giving you something less than ordinary,
A little more than extraordinary
I’m getting something perfect
And it’s definitely worth it.

Verse 2:
There’s so much expectation
I need a revelation
You will rescue me
Thank God, you will rescue me!

Bridge:
So here’s my heart
I give it all
I give it up
It’s in your hands
It’s in your hands

"The Guardian"

Oh my gosh! I just finished the greatest book in the world that I know of! It's called the Guardian and it's by Nicolas Sparks. I love Nicolas Sparks!! He's a great writer...I think this is one of his best books...well of the ones that I've read. If you ever get a chance to read a book...read this one! If you don't have any other obligations...b/c this book you will not be able to put down! I stayed up until 1PM 'cause I couldn't go to sleep without finishing it!

Evolution

This is going to be short and sweet for now, until I can expand on this...I don't have much time.
I was thinking about something a few days ago. And somehow evolution went through my brain. Partially because my History 1302 class is dealing with the 1920's era when there was a case between the Fundamentalists (Christians) and Darwinism because a teacher taught the theory of evolution in the classroom, when it was never talked about before. But that's beside the point...I was thinking...Why would anyone want to create the idea of evolution when they probably were basically given the truth in my opinion. I don't know anything about Charles Darwin's past so this is just what I was thinking. My thoughts are that it's because he constantly had to deal with what a lot of what other people deal with today and in the past and also what people will deal with in the future. We constantly have a problem with authority. We always try to find a problem with the people in authority to prove them inadequit to be in their position. And once we do...we want to stick it in their face. Not saying that God is in his position by fault...that's far from the truth. But the fact of the matter is, Evolution in my opinion, was created so that people wouldn't have to deal with God's authority. So they came up with a "theory" that would resolve that issue. But in the end it wouldn't resolve the issue, because in the end they would all answer to God anyway.

My Brain Pattern

This was creepy...You should take this and find out what you are....lol...

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Future

Well, it's official. I've played in a band. All my life I've dreamt of being the one up there on stage. But i never thought that it would be so humbling. The first week I performed, I hated it to be quite honest. The only reason that I hated it was because I felt like I was in a constant battle with Satan. He kept on telling me, you're not meant for the stage. You're not talented like all of these other people. You're meant to teach piano to students who will be come someone. At first I thought it was God telling that this isn't where I was supposed to be. But now that I look back at it, there's no way it could've been God telling me. He put me up there in the first place. But I realize something now. I have to become someone in order to teach someone how to become someone...right? I don't know if he wants me to teach piano to "future somebody’s" or to become someone and not teach anyone. And I hate to say that now, because it's my senior year in H.S. That leaves me to not knowing what I want to major in or where I want to go. The first week playing, with all that was going through my mind, there was no way I could've worshipped up on that stage. And it being my first time up there with a band, I had built up nervousness on top of that. But I have played for 2 weeks now. and the second week, after realizing this, I wouldn't want to be any place else. Than where God wants me to be. So anyone reading this, pray that this satisfaction continues. I don't like being in the midst of a battle of uncertainty. So also pray that God lets me know where to go to major in what He wants me to major in

College

Well, my dad and I had a little conversation this week. We were in the car and somehow we began talking about college. And he continued talking like always, never stopping for my input, just giving out his two cents like always. I finally couldn't take it anymore and the only way I could possibly fix things is to break his heart. I hate to say it, but I burst out crying on purpose. There was this argument in my head saying DON'T CRY, CRY, DON'T CRY, CRY. And I hate to inconveniently cry...If that's possible. But you can only hold in your emotions for so long which is something I tend to do. I stand strong in large crowds but I only cry in the presence of my God. I've realized that if I cry in front of people, someone ends up getting hurt. I either say something wrong, or I don't express my emotions quite right to other peoples understanding, or I get hurt because I'm not as stable as I thought I was. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I don't know of any other way to explain it. I can't stand for anyone to get their feelings hurt, so I just keep to myself. Anyway, I burst out crying. And my dad didn't understand why I was crying. And I didn't quite understand why I was crying either. I just got tired of him talking to me about college, especially seeing as I don't know where I want to go or major in. But he asked me why I started crying. And all that could come to my mind was "I never feel like your proud of me." Which for anyone reading, is not the smartest thing to say to a parent just for future reference. Just to make a long story short. It all boiled down to him figuring out that my parent's divorce is the main reason I always feel like he's not proud of me. The reason being is b/c he lives so far out, I feel it's an inconvenience for him to come see me for events of importance. I need my father's presence. I miss him so much, that it hurts. I've realized that him leaving has brought me back to square one; I'm back to where I've started. When I was younger, he was never at home. And that somehow made me shy; I didn't want to communicate with anyone. I guess he was my comfort, my shield, when he was around, I knew that everything would be okay soon, if not immediately. When my parents divorced, that happened all over again, but I was so confused at that time...Typical middle school craziness (I passionately dislike middle school!) so I covered my insecurity w/ forcing myself to appear secure. And I've now realized that's what was going on. And soon after my heart was broken, I went through a major shyness. So people saw an almost immediate change in my behavior. I didn't go this in depth with my dad. But I'm actually understanding this as I type. LOL

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

These are kind of out of order, so bare with me here.... We went to Joe's Crab Shack on Wed. (Jan. 3) and I didn't eat anything because it was expensive and I don't like seafood. The first and fourth picture are from the side of the building. The second, fifth and sixth pictures are of Beth Moore. We got to go see her on Wed. as well. She was at one of the Breakout sessions. Breakout sessions were available to everyone to go see who they wanted to. All of Nashville was involved with this and so there were many buildings and speakers to visit. The first day a couple of us went to see ??Greg Matte?? but i never took any pictures. third picture is another picture of the Hard Rock Cafe sign, and I don't know how to delete it, so if anyone can tell me how to delete just one picture let me know :D The seventh picture is a pic of Louis Giglio. He's a wonderful speaker. He spoke twice I believe. I remember one time he spoke about how God made the universe which is many lightyears big. But yet he still choses us. The last picture are of John Piper. He spoke twice about suffering.

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

The first photo was during one of the main sessions. It would start out with a praise and worship through song. and then a speaker would come out and talk to us. and then we would have another group of songs to sing. They wouldn't tell you who was playing the day of the session. Everyday was a surprise. This picture was taken on January 3 (Wed.). The David Crowder Band was playing. They were incredible. I loved that they were so exciting; it was great. The second picture is the picture of the pool at our hotel. I thought it was awesom that the pool was shaped like a guitar. That was the best part of the hotel. :D The next picture is a pic of Chris Tomlin I believe. He was great too. All of the performers were wonderful. The next picture i have no idea why I took it. I think it was a pic to show you how many people were actually there because the band is kinda off to the side! The last photo is a picture of Chris Tomlin again. He sang alot, and that's wonderful in my opinion :D

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

Alright, I don't know what the first picture is, but it has to be something. I took a picture of it...If i ever find out, i'll edit this post and you can keep on looking at this entry if it bugs you. :D The next picture is just some randome picture of downtown, but i don't know where, and why I took it....lol...The next two pictures are of another sign to the Hard Rock Cafe. I thought that this sign was awesome, so I took a picture of it :D. The last picture is the Gaylord Arena. I never got a full picture of the building, but it was enormous. It packed over 18,000 people in there every session!

Nashville-Passion (cont'd)

OK, This first picture is the top of the Galord Arena and later on I will have a picture of the entrance. This next picture is a picture of two of my good friends Paula (the same on in my first entry) and Kellie. I have known Kellie for a while. She is a wonderful person and has a love for people and God. Shes so awesome. The next picture is a far away picture of a wall mural. It was on the side of the Hard Rock Cafe. There were many murals throughout the town, unfortunately, i never took any pictures of them :( oh well. The next picture is a picture of Kellie again. and the picture after that is the sign for Hard Rock Cafe. Kellie's picture and Kellie's, Paula's, and my picture are in Hard Rock Cafe. We actually sat in the Bar, but no worries, we never ordered anything alcoholic. They had wonderful food, they just didn't give us alot. I wish they did though, it was expensive enough. lol...

Nashville-Passion

This past week I was in Nashvill, Tennessee. It was SO awesome! I could see myself living there! I think it'll be easier if I just explained the trip by explaining the pictures. It'll be easier for me..lol...I'll go from left to right. The first picture is a picture of the bridge we had to walk across in order to get to the conference I went to. The reason I was in Nashville was because the college group at my church was going there. It was a conference called Passion. It is held annually at Nashville, although next year it is going to be in Atlanta, Georgia. Now, back to the bridge....The main place we were at most of the time was approxomately 2 miles away from the hotel we were staying at. The first 2 days we walked back and forth from the hotel and the Gaylord Arena (that's where it all happened :D) The next picture is just a picture of downtown Nashville from about .5 miles away. The next picture is a picture of a wonderful friend of mine. Her name is Paula. I only get to see her once a year *tear* because she lives in Brazil. But it's okay. I'm SO glad for the Internet :D Its one of the best inventions of the world :D The other 2 pictures are pictures of downtown Nashville as well. I will continue in my next few blog entries...lol..i feel like I'm making a documentary, but with typing... TO BE CONTINUED ;)